Healthy vs unhealthy dating relationships dating in tenerife
Understanding these contrasts can help us understand how healthy relationships work – and how we can grow toward them as part of the recovery process. There is no need to pretend that problems don’t exist or to tiptoe around “unmentionable” areas. In an unhealthy relationship the focus is on completing oneself. The strongest and most successful relationships – even the most passionate and romantic marriages – have this kind of true friendship at the base. It’s one thing to love another when the going is easy. Forgiveness is a miraculous gift between two people.If the partner is weak in some area, he or she accepts it and helps accommodate or strengthen it. The relationship is built on a foundation that isn’t really there. This selfish dynamic is at the heart of codependency. It is only a matter of time until substitutes are sought – either in the form of other relationships or in the form of dysfunctional and addictive behaviors. Where this base of true friendship is absent, the relationship is shallow and susceptible to being marked by victimization. But character and depth are wrought in a relationship when love requires the surrender of preference and privilege. Indeed, it often seems that the greater the sacrifice, the more thorough the death to self, the greater the potential for the relationship. His relationship with us required nothing less than the sacrifice of his Son, Jesus Christ. A relationship flourishes when we are willing to forgive past hurts and disappointments.There are no garbage bags in healthy relationships. Often people come from such insecure childhoods they can only hope that their adult life will include a relationship that allows them to rest in the arms of someone who really cares. When we shift from trying to use others to satisfy our security needs to trying to meet the security needs of others, we find ourselves in a new dimension. We are filling their doubts and fears with the reassurance of our consistent behavior. We become, in a word, loving: other-focused and totally selfless. It is wonderful to be vulnerable, to do an emotional free fall and have someone there to catch you.A healthy heart can enter into healthy relationships.Healthy relationships are central to recovery for romance, relationship, and sex addicts.A healthy heart involved in healthy relationships is the precise opposite of addiction.Addiction maintains a secret life marked by fear and control.Genuine love, on the other hand, is marked by openness, trust, and the freedom to give oneself to another.
Unhealthy relationships, by contrast, are based on fantasy. Too many people fling half a person into a relationship, expecting that it will be completed by the other. Building a relationship – or restoring one that has been ravaged by the effects of addiction – depends on the willingness of both parties to sacrifice for each other, without demanding anything in return. Refusing to forgive is like carrying around a garbage bag full of hurts of the past.Every time someone makes a mistake, we toss it into the bag and carry it with us forever. In a secure environment, a person is free to open up and be vulnerable.Recovery without healthy relationships only perpetuates the sinful self-obsession that led to addiction in the first place.In recovery we must learn to shift our focus, thus becoming free to share intimacy with others.There are many contrasts between healthy and unhealthy relationships. There is no need to hide or to try to fool the other.
Taken together they chart a continuum between the secular model and the biblical model. Each person is also aware of the other’s strengths and weaknesses. In a healthy relationship, each person finds joy in sharing in the other person’s growth, in playing a role in “completing” the other. A healthy relationship can be described as two good friends becoming better friends. Few of the magazines that clutter the checkout counters of grocery stores publish articles extolling the joys of sacrifice. Unfortunately, most of us are more accustomed to demanding sacrifice from our partner than to sacrificing our selves.